Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Something I wrote last week, back in Kuantan:

Ah Kong has passed away. Suddenly, just like that, with no warning, no time to say a proper goodbye.

He was sick the weekend before, admitted to hospital. Discovered that his prostate cancer has evolved to lung cancer. I could not make it for that trip back to Kuantan. My aunt tells me she had asked him to cry out to Jesus when he was afraid and needed help. Ah Kong nodded, a big difference from previous times when he just listened politely. I hope in my heart, that God had truly been his help in those times. Otherwise, I think the pain and loneliness would have been very unbearable.

I thought I had more time. So did the whole family, I guess. In a way I am glad he does not have to suffer any more pain. In fact, looking back, it is some sort of a miracle that he never suffered much pain during the 4 years of his cancer. It was just certains periods when the pain would come and go.

One thing I wish though, that he had been able to receive more family care, especially when he was sick. I had returned back to Kuantan to see Mimi, Ah Kong's maid bawling her eyes out. For her I am very thankful, because she truly cared for Ah Kong, accompanying him day and night, at home and in hospital. I do not know how the family would have done without her.

I want to thank everyone for your prayer and support during that time. Thank you for your listening ear, and words of comfort. I know some of you were pretty much at a lost for words when I was just crying over the phone, but you did help. A lot.

Just over a recent funeral, I had heard something along these lines: "When God allows death, it is always a double edge sword. It is never just death alone, because at the same time, God is working His purpose". In this case, my glimmer of hope is this, that with Ah Kong passing, there had come a time when he had encountered God as his savior.

Monday, March 13, 2006

A Time For Everything

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

This verse from the Bible has somehow been playing in my head for the last week or so, starting from the time I stepped home after work and was told that my grandfather had vomitted blood. Automatically, due to his many previous health problems, I assumed the worst:
*Internal bleeding?*
*Liver collapsed?*
*His prostate cancer reaching it's critical state?*
*Must be in crazy pain*

There wasn't much information in hand that day. All I knew was that he was hospitalized, back in Kuantan, and was being treated. No one could provide answers as to what was the cause of the vomitting, how serious it was, or how much pain ah kong was in. It was frustrating because everyone around me was so cool, and here I was, thinking *Heloooooooo, he just vomitted blood. Should there not be more urgency?*

The next day, the family travelled back to Kuantan to see him. Was glad to see him with a healthy pink tint on his face. He seemed well, in no pain. It was such a relief to find out that the vomitting was due to very bad stomach ulcer, and not some collapse of internal body functions/organs. The urologist did further tests on him to find out more about his prostate cancer. Apparently, there should have been further treatment for his prostate cancer, which was not performed by the previous doctor. **Ughh, crap doctor**

With this grandfather of mine, I have not been very close, due to the fact that I struggle to speak Hakka or Cantonese, while he cannot speak or understand much English. In the recent years, he has been sick so much, and I just want to comfort him and talk to him more, but my words fail me. There are so many things which I want to say to him which I do not know how to express. These are the times when I so so wish that I had a much more decent command of Hakka. (Point to myself: Must make sure my children pick up at least their grandparent's dialect)

I guess, like Ecclesiates says, there is a time for everything. For me, the last two years have been a time of loved ones growing old with health complications. First my grandpa's prostate cancer, then my grandma's heart attack, and now this spewing blood incident. They have been wake-up calls for me, a realization that I'm not going to have them around forever, which means that I should be spending more time with them. Now wouldn't it be great if I could somehow reverse this ageing process..

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Wierd Stuff

I have been tagged by Poh Lynn.. so here goes..

List 5 weird or random things about yourself:
(Ok, I think there's more random than wierd here)
1. I sleepwalk once in a blue moon
2. Elderly people like to talk to me, even offer their seats when I am in the
3. I learnt Jawi in school and reached top score of 23/100.
The norm was 0/100. (Yes, it's obvious that have no flair at tikam-ing)
4. I have no hair on my fingers, not even fine, little ones
5. Among my nicknames in uni were "Bebola" and "Dear"
(short for Ly-dear)

5 people whom I want to do the quiz:
1. Adelynne
2. Alice
3. Andrew
4. Ivan
5. Mike